Magnifying lens of life....

The magnifying lens of life just shot a glance at the person of me and it probably did not like what it saw.
It is amazing how much we dont know about ourselves until someone points it out to us either directly or indirectly.
Each day we live our lives thinking that we have all it takes to be fully aware of ourselves, then it hits us that each day is just another opportunity to know a tiny bit more about the endless of road of self-knowledge.
I believe that there will never be a day on this earth, with you alive, that you will be fully(100%) aware of who you are and what you are capable of.
Each day is a playground to play the game of self-knowledge.
Each day is a chance to scrutinize other people's words, actions, reactions towards you so as to add onto the knowledge of yourself.
If you do that, then each day becomes a true learning experience and possibly leads to a better you in the day that follows.

Seeing the world

What is it about travelling that makes it so appealing?
Is it the new people?
new places?
new culture?
new ideas?

For me, I think all of those. Each time I leave the country to go elsewhere...i always find myself thinking of how different I am on the flight back from the person who was on flight out. I sit on my seat, seat belt on, then take-off-
Then comes nostalgia of the country I just left...then I just drift into thought...

What were my expectations when I started the journey?
What kind of persona did I want to project and what did I end up projecting?
What lessons did I pick up?
what new knowledge do I have?
What new connections or friends did I build?
What should I have done and that i was afraid of doing?
What did I do that I may regret doing?

Whatever the answers, I retreat to my seat, lay my head back and think of how different I have become. I know that I have become bigger in mindset and mature in more ways than one.

I look at some of the other people on the flight with me and i wonder where they are from and if they are thinking as i am on their seats.

I love travelling. Each time is a building block to who I will become and kind of life I will have. Just interesting!

At times you think that the other person is thinking this, or doing that and really...they are thinking the same thing about you.

Funny huh?

So, when you are busy telling yourself this, the other person is busy with the same occupation. So in the end, you both do not help the situation.

Could be a thing of egos...
Could be a thing of being shy/timid...
Could be a thing of being self-conscious...

Whatever it is, please be aware of when it is happening and be ready to confront the issue head on!

Otherwise, in future, you will find yourself whining with each other about how you both were being 'paranoid'.

These thoughts are from an interesting 'whining' conversation with a friend :-)

Paradox of people!

Why is it that people like to complain when they don't need to and when you could even want to pay them to complain, they wouldn't!

It is quite confusing!

I do something...or I make something happen...you will more likely find something to complain about...after you say thank you...if you say thank you.

Someone does something...or makes something happen...or something just happens...it is sort of irritating you......you will more likely not find words to complain or state your case or maybe you will not even think of finding those words.

How is that?

Possibly you like to seem like an observer/perceiver on one end and a 'peace-maker' or 'peace-advocator' on another.

By you complaining when you dont need to, you are trying to show that you could do better or are better or could have thought better

By you not complaining when you surely need to, you are trying to show that you do not look for people/battles to fight...you do not unnecessarily hurt other people or the emotion around you

In the end, it is all about you and what you are trying to look like

When can it be about the issue at hand and not you?

When shall it be about the issue at hand and not you?

They say small minds discuss people- big minds discuss ideas
I say, small minds are about me and others- big minds are about ideas/issues

It needs to be a full paradigm shift in my thinking

Let me learn to train my mind to be more about issues and not me or anyone else

Let me empower myself to notice my small-mindedness at times
Let me empower others to notice their small-mindedness at times

Speak when you need to as that is the only way you make a difference.


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These thoughts are from this weekend when I wondered why someone did not speak when things were obviously not done fairly; when someone complained about something that had been done instead of giving even the slightest acknowledgement. I definitely realise that I do this a number of times as well. I am looking in the mirror...and hoping to help others notice this mirror as well. This mirror needs big minds.

Time with myself

I took a long walk today.

I put my earplugs on and listened to amazing Neo-soul music. I walked a bit slower than I usually do.

The sun was hot but not annoyingly hot.

I was in a good mood.

I took the time to let my ideas flow..flow from wherever they were...flow from wherever they coming from....I somehow threw all my cares away and just let sight give birth to thought in real time.

I saw a couple of things on the way...

I saw people walking quickly rushing to some place...some happy some worried some..I just couldnt tell.. I wondered what they were upto on that day. If they were waiting for the day to end or if they were hoping it doesnt end. I tried to guess where each was from...from the office closely, from the hotel next to the hill, from the shop up ahead, from a random walk to get fresh air

Then I got to a place where there was a woman with a baby tied to her back and one small kid walking around close to her. She was selling bananas and some vegetables...at the time I passed, she was wrapping up/packing up some of the vegetables. I wondered how her life is. Does she feel burdened by the two children? Does she have a husband to support her? I looked at the small kid walking around. He/She(Not too sure) seemed to be quite happy and content with the happenings of the day. Amazing thing with kids is that they do not over think their troubles...they forget and live for the moment. I thought of this in my head and I reminded myself to cultivate this kind of attitude...everyday being an adventure...
Anyway...I wondered how much this business was bringing to the woman and if it was enough to sustain the family..

I walked on. I saw a very nice Hotel and I wondered how it would feel to have enough money to pop in there anytime. I wondered how the lives of those inside were. They probably can get much of what they want financially. But it does not mean that they are happier than the woman whom I just passed. The small kid walking around her mother was probably the happiest of people I saw on the street today.

I like times like this when I just spend time with myself to think of things outside my own cares. To just think free! Free beyond the bondage of deadlines, duties, tasks, responsibilities...etc
To just think beyond myself and try to think of how others are...
Think of how their lives are.
I find it calming and refreshing...and most times, it makes me count my blessings and cut down the 'I wishes'.

When we are too busy saying 'I wish', 'I could' and 'It could be' walk right passed us and go to someone else who can see them.

Angels on earth

Sometimes angels are sent on earth just for a particular reason.
Maybe you were heading for trouble or you needed to know something important!
Today I happened to walk towards University using a certain direction, which I dont normally use and what do you know? Someone recognises me and tells me something I should have known!
Wow! I was amazed. I was meant to meet her! Truly amazing. She was trully a random person to me. Someone i have never seen before in my life!
Then she helps me with good information :-) Dont worry about what information this is. Point is, I believe there are angels that are sent to us. I am not saying she is an angel walking on earth with human form, but I definitely feel that she was touched by an angel. She would have chosen not to speak to me or not to turn her head and ask me a question. Heck, she would have chosen to be shy or just mind her own business.
I would have chosen to ignore her since I hardly stop and speak to strangers on in the streets. But, what happened is that we chose to take the step and interact!
I find life quite interesting.
How coincidences are just too exact- it is hard not to use them as evidence that a higher power is in control.
I do believe angels exist and that they are out to help us out with each step we take.
Listen, look, reflect, hear.....they are everywhere!

Song in my heart

The promise by Tracy Chapman.

Like the fifth time I replay it...most soothing of songs I know

It is used a lot in AIESEC conferences especially for sentimental presentations and even goodbye slides.... Okay this blog is not meant to mention AIESEC too much but rather draw thoughts and learnings....So I have to restrain myself..though this post will refer a lot to the experience that is AIESEC...

So the song: I think it was played in one of the very sentimental conf. I just cant remember which one. I just remember feeling overwhelmingly aware of the emotions that were welling up inside me.....[song is ending...time to click replay again. it is the soundtrack as I write this post; It is just beautiful....it is a mix of sad, sweet and just peaceful.....hmmm]

Over the past week, I realised that I really enjoy looking out for people in terms of what they should know and in terms of contributing my opinion....part of what my career calling should include:-)
I just enjoy making connections with people and finding potential/or achieving potential in people and situations...

I love my job!

I love the person I am becoming or that I am aware of now....
I talk a lot about AIESEC because it is making the Fiona I am and that I will become....like I just read somewhere...the best-version-of-myself. Hopefully I am supporting AIESEC Kenya members to be aware and motivated to become the-best-version-of-themselves :-)

Song ending now....

Blog post ends now...

'Missing' Thing

An old random string of thought worth including here:

What exactly is missing someone?
What does it mean?

Everywhere people say 'i miss you' 'av missed you'. Is missing of thought or of illusion?

Do i all the time think of that person that i claim to miss and that is how i knw i miss them?

Or do i simply notice their absence in all that i do?

Noticing their absence is indeed done in thought.

But is that noticing of absence natural or is it manipulated by your mind?

Do you notice absence out of the blue, like the physical body for example triggering this.. Or do you notice absence consciously? And do you control the noticing or does it just happen? Can you sit down and tell yourself..okay now I will start 'missing'? And will this be real or rather fake?

Wait...is missing all in the mind? Whether triggered by my physical surroundings or not..it seems to be all mental. And if it is all mental, is it affected by my moods or emotions and vice versa?

Do i 'miss' more when i am sad or it more when am happy? To answer this question..how the heck would i even measure amount of missing? 'I miss you loads' 'I miss you so much' . How do i know when its 'loads' or 'much'? By the length of time I have been doing the missing or by the object of my missing?

Can i say 'miss you loads/much' to everyone or just those am emotionally(or whatever other way) attached to or want to be attached to?

In that case, am i really missing them or just wanting them around?

Does my number of thoughts about someone actually measure my 'missing'?

And is there a timeline for this thing called 'missing'? Can I say 'missing you' to a person after one day in the same capacity as I would to a person after twenty years? Does 'missing' have a timeline or deadline?

Is it all about emotion and feeling? Or an occupation for an idle mind?

If it is all about emotion and feeling, then could it be a mere creation of our minds? A mere side-effect of emotion?

There are many emotions.

Can i actually miss someone i dnt like?

Like my high school matron?

Can I?

Is missing also determined by amount of time spent with the person or is emotional attachment still a bigger influence?

I dont at all miss the random guy i was in a lift with.

But for sure I would say I miss my long-term friends who have been overseas for a couple of years for their studies

Is missing or using the words 'missing you' also a feedback trigger? Like someone telling another ' I miss you' only so that he can be a judge of the other's emotional state and if 'I miss you' is the reply..then the feelings are 'mutual'

Actually, is 'missing' a tool or an end?

Be careful where, how, why, to whom and at what moment you doing this missing thing.

Love for possibilities!

What is this allure to the language of possibilities?
Today I sat with my AIESEC team and we brainstormed on possibilities that we can make happen....after, I went to meet two of my closest friends at a coffee bar and same thing...we spoke of possibilities. In my walk to my room, I realised my adrenalin had been churned....I was suddenly quite happy and excited over nothing in particular. Wow!I relised that I just love the wide scope that is possibility! It is almost like a clay that you are given and told to make whatever you can out of it. Some people will decide to make the obvious random round blob or if with a bit of creativity, they will flatten it..to something in the lines of a plate or whatever....sadly most will not go that extra mile to make that clay one heck of an experience. The rare clay receiver will be one who thinks out of the box and makes a detailed head, car or spoon from it....Yes, maybe we are usually given the clay of life's possibilities and we choose to do the obvious, the expected, the mediocre.....maybe because it is the safer, simpler, hassle-free option...No need to smear clay all over your whole hand and clothes right?
I dont think this is truly living....part of the excitement of everyday is to have something to look forward to. It doesn't make much sense if what you look forward to is just the normal..the usual..then from there on it stops being something to look forward to....pretty much something to look back at....or to look at.
So I see possibility as a clear driving force of who I am and what I do and choose to do! Possibility is the clay I am given by life and I have the power to mould something from it. And it is for you to look out for the clay....it is not clearly marked. You need to have special possibility eyes to notice the clay. And amazingly, each day, you can choose to dream of how that clay will be moulded but in the end, dont forget to actually mould it!
The language of possibility is my language! Potentiality is my playground!

Tough Decisions

Tough Decisions are just that....tough.

Tough to think about,

Tough to weigh on the consequence scale,

Tough to manage in a normal thought process,

And when the tough is finally done with, then comes tough explanations

And these are the ones that are most weighted in a people-management environment

If I say this, they will think that

If I say that, they will think this

If I say not, they will think that and this..

There is no way around it.

The biggest thing about a tough decision is getting the right words for the right people....

That is ideally the 'tough' in it. Because once this is sorted out, then it stops being what it so comes out to seem like. Tough becomes something that is implied. And truly anything tough should only be named after being born! Otherwise naming it 'tough' before experience presupposes unnecessary exaggeration of the name itself!